Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Public Service Announcement from this farmer's wife:
For starters, let's just clear up that every sale is important and valuable and each and every customer is a valued member of our farm community as concerned eaters.
However, if you happen to be a concerned eater who shows up at quarter to five on a weekday, this message is for you.
Don't knock. Just come in. Your knock won't be heard and the doorbell can't be counted on either. If you insist on waiting for someone to answer the door, don't touch the dog; he smells like rotten seafood and/or manure and the slightest bit of attention will draw him to you for life. If you think that knocking will give me some time to prepare myself or gather things together, I can assure you that it won't make any difference. The amount of 'preparation' that needs to happen is beyond the amount of time you would be willing to spend on my step, so come right in.
I'll answer a few questions for you right now so that you don't need to ask them,
-Yes, I am pregnant again and yes I will be busy, thanks for the reminder.
-No, I didn't get my hair cut, it's just dirtier than usual.
-Yes, we have eggs. Give me a few minutes to wash them for you.
If you are easily embarrassed, avert your eyes from the fact that I am probably looking like I just crawled out of bed (although I can assure you that I haven't) and maybe even still wearing pajamas (or more likely, am back into my pajamas already). Or maybe I'm wearing my husband's clothes which need a lot of hitching in some areas and pulling in others.
Do your best to step around the pile of whatever is directly in front of the door, after you push it out of the way WITH the door in order to get in. If the kids' rubber boots are nearly completely disguised with the excrement of some livestock, continue on as if you've seen and smelled nothing.
If you had to drive by a small boy looking like he was stuck in the culvert in the driveway, he probably was, but at least I know where he is. If it looks like there is a little girl in the garden having a dump in the pepper patch, she most definately is and I would ask that you shoot her a big thumb's up on the way out.
If you are faint of heart, don't look at the fridge where a bloody handprint is the evidence of where a child fell down the stairs, didn't notice the bloody lip and went for a drink of milk, which immediately spilled all over the floor because their hands were slippery from the blood. Do your best to look inconspicuous as your try not the stick to the floor in the kitchen. I certainly hope you've kept your shoes on after seeing the entryway.
If you want to see the view from the front window, come back when the kids have moved out and cleaning the handprints lasts for more than 3 minutes. To keep your appetite, don't inhale the smell of potatoes boiling over, the meat burning in the oven or the toast smoking away in the toaster. If you can hold it, wait until you go home to go to the washroom, unless you want to wash the cloth diaper that has been soaking in the toilet for the last couple of hours waiting for someone to wash it.
Feel free to overlook the piles of random junk taking up space in places where junk shouldn't even be. Once it finds a place to sit in this house, it immediately becomes part of the background. This can include but is not limited to items like freshly washed socks, dirty socks, two-year old farm magazines with one article that might be valuable down the road, that receipt for those pants that were missing a button but ended up being worn anyway, a button for some other pants, a mitten without a match, more receipts and tiny pieces of paper with unidentified phone numbers, half of an egg carton, the cover from a plastic dish, a broken toy, a children's book with a torn cover, a roll of tape with less than a half an inch left on it, a shoelace, a glass of water and four pens that don't work.
If you'd like to know more about the chickens and 'how they live' feel free to spend some time with them on the front lawn.
If you're on your way home from your desk job where you leave all your work AT work, don't ask when Mark will be in.
Don't feel the need to pretend that your house is the same, when I attempt to apologize for the mess. And if you feel bad for stopping in a 'busy time of day', feel free to say so, so that at least I feel like you may actually think the house isn't like this all the time. Which of course, it is.
Thanks again for stopping by, we really do appreciate our customers, despite occasional appearances. Now I'm off to salvage supper, wash a diaper and feed a howling cat. Come by again next week!